Unless you live in perfect isolation, then most likely you hear a lot about toxic relationships. The media thrives on them, filling up hours of broadcast and thousands of print pages with stories of celebrities that seem unable to maintain a healthy relationship.
However, in worse cases you hear about toxic relationships from your friends, usually when they’re trying to comfort you after breaking up with lover. A toxic relationship is considered any relationship dealing with dysfunctional social behaviors, such as unjustified jealousy, violent arguments, alcoholism or substance abuse, etc.
Most toxic relationships don’t last too long and this is a good thing. Sometimes people need time apart in order to learn to control and correct their behaviors. If your lover can’t seem to go for half a day without calling you every two hours, then perhaps letting him go for a while is your best option. Make sure he understands you’re only taking a break, to figure things out. After both of you give the relationship some real meditating and analyzing, you can agree to give it another shot.
Some relationships go on for months or even years until becoming toxic. The emotional fracture is usually caused by a sudden change, such as a career promotion, a new work opportunity or even an accident. These couples are so used with their emotional routine that the simple fact of one of them moving away means the end of their relationship. What we have now is a toxic relationship, as these people no longer understand that a relationship is based on feelings and not on physical closure. In a healthy relationship a partner supports the other one’s decisions, work related or otherwise, if those decisions involve great personal opportunities.
Yet, there are people who can’t think of their lovers outside of the relationship context. They give birth of toxic relationships, bringing pain and emotional discomfort not only upon their partners, but upon themselves, as well. If you have learned just recently that your lover fits the description and you’re not willing to let him go, then it’s up to you to reach a conclusion. You can either try to support and educate him for a change or, if it feels like a mission impossible, you can let him go and focus on your well-being.
Why do women whom had abusive paths fall in love with toxic men?
These men are manipulative and unfaithful, but the woman accepts this behavior rather than be in a healthy relationship.
I was dating this woman for some time and she told me about her past which didn’t bother me at all, in fact I thought it would build trust and love for each other. I couldn’t be so wrong.
We’ve been friends for a decade and knew her cycle with men – I believe she seeks father figures for a man but its the father figure who sexually and mentally abused her so I never tried to control her.
when we got together, I gave her all the respect in the world & would do anything for her but I’m stern with her so she wouldn’t roll over me. it seemed she’d try to test me all the time, testing my threshold of b.s.-she tested my patience, my dependability, and manhood all the time. meanwhile, I would get this feeling shes still hung up over this musician guy she dated before me that is married, sleeps around with women, and manipulates her to do things she wouldn’t normally do. She claims they love each other. ok? so we have an argument about money and I yelled at her because she felt that i’m her boyfriend and I obligated to help her out. It felt like she was trying to hustle me & I didn’t fall for it. Well she breaks up with me and goes back to her other guy. She accepts her roll that she’s #2 and is happy with it. I never treated her wrong even when we were just friends. i’ve always been there for her yet she wants to treat me like a trick on the street. She’s such a narcissistic sociopath that self defeats everything in her life. Why is she like this? I feel like captain save-a-hoe. Is there and explanation?
Why is it always the musicians…
I’m not perfect but I’m a good and honest man.
what more would she want. Nothing is enough with her.
I’ve seen this time and time again. Women want a safe bet – a decent man who will be there to fall back on when she needs to. But I am always amazed at the amount of women who want the bad-a$$ guys. I really don’t understand it. I’m sure you are probably a lovely, honest, decent human being, but unfortunately you were a “stand-in” while she was biding her time to see which one of the d!kheads she has dated would take her back. Some women just think that they deserve nothing better than to be treated like crap, especially those who have an extremely low self esteem. This lady seems to be one of them. They don’t think they’re worthy of a man whos gonna treat them right, and can’t believe it when they find one. So they’d rather go back and be abused by the other f**kers. So let her. You’ve had a lucky escape if you ask me.
When is it ok to cut off all ties with mother in law?
My mother in law is extremely difficult to put it nicely. She has every quality that the typical mother in law has: controlling, criticizing, demeaning, etc. (She lives a half of a mile away, which makes everything a tad worse.) But she also has crossed the line many times with myself and my daughter.
EXample #1—My daughter got a diaper rash from food intolerance while I was at work and my mother in law swears that the rash came from the bottled water that I was mixing with her formula. She said that she and my daughter were both poisoned with arsenic. She went to the doctors, called lawyers, wanted to test my daughter (of course I said no). She developed “symptoms” from this “poisoning” and went on to say that we were not good parents and she would protect my daughter if we wouldn’t……This story gets worse….but let’s keep it somewhat simple
Example #2 She recently has accused me of inappropriately kissing my daughter when she was an infant. When my daughter was learning how to kiss she would keep her mouth open and move her head towards me (very cute) and I kissed her back….She has also accused me of another innapropriate sexual situation because she overheard a child say that it was funny the way that my daughter peed and assumed that i was letting everyone witness my daughter naked and she even said something about a movie??? This is because during my daughter’s first birthday I was holding my daughter after a trip to the pool and her swimmie diaper did not absorb anything and the pee got all over me and the living room floor and everyone laughed.
Example #3 My daughter has learned the word “no” and has been testing her boundaries. My mother in law has accused myself and my family of exhibiting this behavior to her and that I am to blame for her new attitude. (i went out of town for a few weeks to visit my sick sister)
Other details: She has my daughter call her “mama”, she claims to have brain damage from exiting a vehicle, which she sued and won. she has also sued at least 5 different people, I do believe that she in not mentally well.
I tried to address this situation recently after many attempts from my husband, and the conversation did not go well and apparently she has many things that she wants to address with me and she said if I were her daughter she would have should me out already!!
I am lost, I wanted my daughter to have a relationship with her grandmother, but I do believe that this relationship might be too toxic for our family as a whole.
So the question again…Is it ok to cut off all ties with my mother in law?
Thank you in advance
WOW…I feel very bad for you but cutting off ties is not the answer. What you and your husband have to do is put limits on her visiting. Your husband will have to stand up and be a man or else your mother in law will continue running all over you and it will eventually ruin your marriage. I have seen cases like this on Dr. Phil and the mother in laws feels they are in the right. Tell her to call before she comes over and make it a quick visit perhaps on a weekend. Your husband sounds like a mommas boy and needs to change before you can have a healthy relationship with his mother.
I wish you the best of luck!
Should I divorce after 18 yr marriage & 3 children,2-teens & a 5 yr old?
First let me say we r in counciling.I found out about his 4 year cheating relationship 6 mo ago. It was with someone I know and close to our family. She babysat my children, went on family vacations and worked for my business. He kept her so close in my family. I hate him for that! If it was a stranger to me, it would be so much better. And by the way I Hate Her!
I loved my husband. I thought it was forever. I would NEVER betray him like that. He lied to me for years. I did ask many many times. He says it started about 7yrs ago and ended 3 yrs ago. I found out from a friend I had not spoken to in 5 years, she confirmed my suspesions.One reason I was so confused is because this girl is 17 years younger than my husband. He could be her father there is so much age difference. So for the last five years I have been so depressed and used alcohol to try to forget what I probably knew the whole time subconsciously.
I gave up the alcohol immediately after I found out the truth. So that no longer can affect my descion making and all the toxic behaviors that go along with it. My husband was in the same boat. He abused alcohol too. I think to not have to deal with all the stresses of life and this incredible guilt he had over his affair. My therapist says alcohol affects your frontal cortex u know, your decision making. But he is not a stupid man. He actually has been tested and has an extremely high IQ.So I don’t understand how he could risk everything for HER. He defiantly has trust issues. He says he had the affair because he thought I was having one. He thought I didn’t love him. He is so insecure you have no idea. And major trust issues. I know a lot of this resorts from his childhood. Some things happened he has not dealt with. Our therapist agrees.
I love him. He is my best friend. We grew up together. He is all I know. I know he really loves me but I don’t understand how he could do this to me and our children. He doesn’t understand how I can’t just disconnect like he does and move on. I don’t know how I would start over if it came to that. And I don’t want to destroy my children. Should I take the fall and wait it out. Put up my guard and pretend like everything is ok for the sake of the children. And what, I’m going to out in the big world and find V.D. and people that will screw me over just like him. I am so lost and my heart is broken in a million pieces. Is there anyone out there that has made it through this hell?
Yes I have lived through something similar. And if you both are committed and honest you can be happy again. But it takes both and lots of time. You really need to let the anger go though, it will not help anything. And insecurities need to be addressed too. But if you love him and care about your children, and he does too. You can live through this.